hello blog, been a while..
What's new is that i just finished my training program. Yes it's been 8 months since i join this bank and got SO MANY knowledge about banking industry, about almost all important line functioning in a bank. Pretty boring at first months, but getting more challenging and exciting at some last months. In short, the training is divided into 2 parts, funding and lending; how bank collect the money and how to lend it to the society. That includes product knowledge, marketing strategies, and several regulations. A lot more to share but it'll take 8 months to share them all. It's pretty much as long as taking master degree, i guess. Hmm master in banking sounds not bad at all.. but aaaaaanyway, alhamdulillah i'd been through this successfully.
The next interesting part iiiiis... the placement. Before that, i need to inform you that all of MDP trainees are under a contract that says we have to agree if someday they need to assign us in any location and any position. That was scary but i guess it's fair to say that the reality is not as scary as i thought *for some cases. This bank, as reflected in its mount of assets, is not a big bank. So, good thing from that is that it doesn't have much branch in remote island so i don't have to worry to be placed there. Next thing to worry about is the division. Well mostly MDP trainees are planned to be a commercial marketing officer, but along 8 months of training, there were a lot of sharing session from so many division in this bank that somehow creates hope in trainees' mind to be placed in the division they like. As in my case, i would reeeaally love to be assigned in Trade Finance division.
Why? because it's the love of my field, i guess. When i decided to choose international trade as my major in college, that was love. Unexplainable feeling that.. all you know you did not give up in some graphs and maths no matter how difficult those were and felt challenged instead. That was passion. And after knowing there's a field in banking that is related with trade, i felt curious. And after taking its class, i fall in love, again with trade, no matter how difficult that was.
But since it's not my parents who own this bank, i can't just "choose and get". They place me in commercial marketing. ......................................................................... i couldn't be more disappointed. I mean, i love the idea of having salary raised and promoted on higher position faster than others, also marketing officer i know would always have a broad knowledge about many segments of business. Get to meet a lot of important people in a lot of business field and discuss a lot of different things with each. Gives you wide network, broad knowledge, interpersonal skill improvement and any other things a successful banker needs to have. But somehow being commercial marketing officer never been a job i dreamed about. Plus, it costs you one thing that reeaaaally scares me out, ...targets to meet. That last reason create nothing but fear in my head. And that fear drove me really good that i cried a lot ever since they told me about the placement.
Also it got me back to a situation where i did a lot of thinking, have the talk to God and the talk to my self. Coward-me would say i don't wanna take that job and stand still for what i want, but awesome-me would say those things that don't kill me will only make me stronger and all that is to fear is fear itself. So after a lot of thinking i decided stop being a complainer and coward, and be awesome instead. I'm still young, i need to face challenges.
So, this is it.. i'm in a company, in a situation, where passion's valued as much as zero. But after 2 weeks working as a commercial marketing officer, i feel stupid for crying like i was gonna putted in hell. As a matter of fact, most of my BoD members started their career in this position and end up being successful bankers. Besides, one thing that really important is that i'm in a cool team and have a cool boss, and mostly, and i can't stress how key this is, with all the awesomeness i get, i still can go home tenggoooooooo~... uu uu yeaah! haha.
One more thing. Remember when i just graduated from college and did not know what i want and just go with the flow? I felt terrible about it. Some other friends just plan their life the way they wanted to and control everything to be heading to their dreams. So much different from what i did who control nothing and be just okay for everything that comes to me. I feel terrible.. and weak. So the next time i had the opportunity to stand up for my dream, and in this case when i want trade finance, i still can't get what i want. Sooo... have or do not have dreams so far results the same thing; that i don't get what i want. Only, in the first case i don't know what i want, and the second case, i know what i want, i just don't get it. And i say, whateveeeeeeeeeeerrr...
But one thing for sure, I'm gonna come back to you later, trade finance.. gonna come back to you as soon as possible. This love i've been having since college surely can wait. I'll be back :)
we are now welcoming year 2011 and people start to make some resolutions for the new year.
i never make one.
I'd several times tried to, but it never worked. Not that the resolutions end up failed, but i sometimes see that the function of making a resolution is some kind of ... pointless. it's nothing more than give you more pressure, then you see the picture smaller, or more over you'll take more expectations from people if you just announce it out loud. see this is my problem, i don't like to play with people's expectations. if someday i can do something wow, people have to be surprised about it. because when i tell people i can be wow, and when i'm finally wow, people will just take that as a usual thing , because they expect you to be wow since the time you tell them you'll be wow. and when you're not wow, people will see you come to grief or that you're a loser, where there's nothing wrong about not being wow and be just cool, or nice, or fit. oh sorry, on my second thought, handling people's expectations is not the main problem. handling people see me failing is the my real problem. i never find it comfortable when people feel pity for me.
ok let's go back to where i said it is pointless. it is pointless, because there's a matter in this universe named God - or destiny, if you don't believe in God. you tried sooo hard to pass SPMB test so that you can study at univ of indo majoring in accounting, as your first choice. you took two freaking courses after schools and on the weekends. you pray so hard you did the dhuha and the tahajud. you'd be so nice to your parents, you'd be so nice to your teachers, you'd even be nice to beggars. you took whatever it took to be a good girl who deserves accounting in UI. and then you got into economics instead, it's your second choice. it's still ok though, but why not accounting?! you had took whatever it took, right?! but the mourning went fast then you're too happy to be accepted in UI. then the first semester's coming, you got C+ on introduction of economics, as well as introduction of accounting. that explains nothing, except that you're too lazy and not ready enough to be college student. and fourth semester came, you got C on cost accounting and A- on microeconomics. and even before you got C on cost accounting, you curse accounting so much that you're seriously fine if you got another C that would make you free from accounting subject though it's a real bad score. you hate accounting now. and you start to think, what was i thinking?! applying accounting as my first choice... what was i thinking?
so?!
what's the point of making resolution when you have no idea about what's the best for you?! about what really meant for you... ?! WHAT'S THE POINT, PEOPLE?! i wanted accounting so bad, and now i hate it so bad, while now i love economics so much, when i never wanted it that much. so what's the point?
reality's bitch and mystery's the bitchiest bitch. you go ahead plan your life and eat that bitch. *sorry so.. no resolutions from nina namira, at least not for now. i'm gonna live my life free and easy. i'm enjoying every moment and will always be. no resolutions, no expectations, no failings, no disappointments. i hope for nothing. i fear nothing. i am free!
just one simple principle i really need to keep holding; improvement is a must. tomorrow have to be better than today. cliche, i know. i don't care.
and by the way, the point is.. you'll never know.
told you mystery is the bitchiest bitch
:))
hi blog! 2010 will end soon. there are so many things i need to contemplate about this year, the good, the bad, the achieved, the not(yet)achieved, what i had, what i had not, everything.
graduated.
soooooo sad i have to end my college life. it's my most favorite phase in my life, i guess. but people move on, though i hate changes, i should move on too. the good things are i graduate just in time, with not so bad score, and not so bad experience in college activity. it was quite a struggle to get through college. especially when you're taking quite-heavy-subject, such economics. and especially when you have to live apart from your parents with the money you have to arrange it yourself, though there's so many good thing about living apart from parents :p
22nd.
yes, i'm 22 now. and am kinda terrified about that fact. life had been a lot easier when i was 20. well, umm not literally easier than now. on the second thought, my life is seriously easy right now. may be i just miss my college life. good friends, learned something i interested in, doing some projects i was passionate about, campus and kaFE. love that, miss that. hey but luckily everyone's there on my birthday! well not literally everyone, but some of close friends were there. and im happy!
well sooooo i guess this year determine a lot of thing, i officially end my parents' duty to raise me with a good education since im graduated. im officially on my own in term of financial need. im officially employed, and that makes me carry more responsibility. aaaaand for the very first time, i have missions for my life! haha though not quite sure about it yet. summing up, i think im officially an adult now. and again, im not really happy about that. :p
the job.
remember earlier i said my life is easy right now? it is. im now working in Bank OCBC NISP. not so fancy company, i know. but for those who've done job seeking things must have seen, that it's not our decision that really determine where we're meant to be, right? it's His. anyway, im here as an MDP trainee. that what makes my life's been so easy. all i need to do is just go to the office in early morning, sit down in the class, get the lesson, ask some questions, take a break, chat and chill and laugh with the classmates, and.. go home. as simple as that. no pressures, no deadlines, and no significant assignments! oh umm, i have some exams actually, but it's nothing. though i have a really bad score in some exams, but you can never compare this exams im having at the office with the exams i had in the college. that could probably explain why i have some bad scores in the exam, because it's been a veeeeery long time since i have not test with multiple choices and fill in the blank questions with no analytical skills needed. somehow my ability to memorize all the exact word by word of some exam materials is just disappear since college want me to have the ability to UNDERSTAND, other than just memorize. and somehow i feel degraded from what college taught me. well i guess i just need to recall my elementary-to-high school skill in passing exam; memorize.
hhh, degraded.
hmm, well anyway, it's still an easy life. just do those easy things, and then i get just-fine-monthly salary, get the christmas allowance, will get the merger stuff bonus, and been always protected by health allowance. i call them "easy money" :p owh uh, im gonna have this easy life only for 8 months, and after that i need to face the real life of an employee, the slave of capitalism, and the stressful worker, i suppose. let see. and wish me luck!
well, to end up..
when i take a closer look into every moment i experienced this year, there are also so many things that make me upset, sad, and disappointed. and im pretty sure Allah means that on purpose, to make me be a better person. and im so glad i can handle that. i am, now, a better person, with the same loving family, with the same loving friends, and some new cool friends, and some new experience.
so 2010 been treating me really good.
thank God.
:)
one thing came up in my mind this morning.
after seeing how someone can be very devastated because of her job,
i say..
Ya Allah, apapun itu, saya cuma ingin mencintai apa yang saya kerjakan.
Kalau yang saya dapatkan nanti bukanlah yang saya cintai, maka permudahkanlah jalan saya untuk mendapatkan yang saya cintai.
atau buatlah saya mencintai apa yang saya punya.
bukan apa2..
saya cuma gak mau jd pengeluh.
saya..
cuma ingin setiap hari bisa ikhlas bersyukur.
because i know,
hating You just because i don't get what i want, is nothing but a lost.
i want to always be close to You. be thankful to You.
